It Was Just How You Looked in the Light
by moony391
Summary: Moonyverse. Sirius has an "affair" with the girl his best friend happens to be in love with. Remus finds out, and old wounds are reopened. Angsty, guilty goodness. Rated for sexual content. Slash in later chapters. MWPP at 18. Complete.
1. I Just Want To Be a Part of This

**Hello there. I own nothing, enjoy. **

"Do you think he knows?" Sirius asked, busying himself with the tiny white buttons of Lily's school blouse.

"Who?" She asked, pulling him in closer to her and pulling off his belt. Lily kissed his neck, and then undid his fly.

"James," Sirius responded, his voice low. He pulled away from her for a moment, his gray eyes filled with guilt.

"Who cares?" Lily breathed, pressing her lips to his ear. She felt him shiver beneath her touch, and then said, "It isn't as if I'm cheating on him." The dark haired boy looked ready to protest, but Lily silenced him with a kiss. "I'm turning him down for a reason you know." Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she looked up at Sirius with would-be innocent eyes.

Well, that was all he needed to hear, at least, for tonight. Sighing, Sirius felt Lily's hot mouth wander down his neck as he reached under her skirt. She shivered as he expertly pulled her lace panties down her legs. Tossing the garment over his shoulder, Sirius stroked Lily swiftly. Kissing her inviting mouth, he pushed himself inside of her.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Remus asked as Sirius sauntered into the Common Room. His nose suddenly wrinkled in disgust as it revealed _exactly_ where he had been. "Never mind," he sighed, shaking his head as he turned a page in the book that lay open on his lap. 

"Oh hush, mother hen," Sirius said, grinning. "Let me have my fun." He flopped himself into an armchair near Remus, his long limbs spilling elegantly over the arms of the chair. He sighed contentedly, then closed his eyes.

"Oh, I never said to stop," Remus said, chuckling, "I just wish that you would shower after you were done." Still smirking, the werewolf closed the book. "So, who's the lucky one this time?" Generally, Remus didn't specify gender when it came to Sirius's "conquests." Sirius had been known to jump into bed with anyone who was willing… literally, anyone.

"Not telling?" Sirius said, opening one eye to look over at Remus. He hoped that his voice came across as playful, but really he felt worried. Usually, the playful banter of the "Who are you sleeping with _now_?" game made him laugh. Now, it filled him with guilt and worry. Sirius frowned. The image of James floated into his brain, a crushed expression plastered on it when he found out that Sirius had been sleeping with Lily. Sirius tried to smile at Remus, but the game was over. It lost a lot of luster when you were fucking your best friend's crush.

* * *

Transfiguration was not keeping Sirius very occupied, this was to be expected. Unfortunately, usually the downtime gave Sirius a moment to relax. However, this day made the downtime tense. James was chattering away about Quidditch or something else that Sirius was not finding to be particularly entertaining. All he could picture was the look of shock and hurt that would be slapped across James's bespectacled face if he ever found out about what Sirius had been doing. 

"Oh, God, do that again," Lily begged, her voice breathy. Her chest was heaving, and Sirius repeated his quick flick of the tongue on her clitoris. She gasped, and he moved up to kiss her mouth. "I want you," She whispered in between kisses. Sirius complied to her unspoken requested, shoving himself into her, acting quickly before his mind could formulate another ounce of guilt. All he wanted was Lily, and, James be damned, tonight he was going to have her.

* * *

**

* * *

**

Guilt, as Sirius was beginning to discover was like a thick wet towel. One that draped over you, suffocating you slowly, but it isn't altogether unpleasant at first.

At first, however, was no longer a completely applicable term for Sirius's guilt. A month had passed. A full month of randomly meeting Lily is strange places, if only to have a few minutes of bliss. And that's what those moments were to Sirius, pure bliss. Because, roughly ten seconds after pulling out of her, the guilt, the towel, covered him again. And, now, he was beginning to feel the strain on his lungs.

Or, rather, to further this metaphor, his heart. The heart that was loyal to James, his friend, his brother. The heart that, as Sirius was beginning to discover, may actually belong to the fiery haired vixen he was a slave to.

Oh, this would not end well for him, he could feel it.

* * *

Lily approached the Marauders at lunch on a Wednesday. She directed her spoken words to Remus and James, who had sat themselves on the opposite side of the table from Sirius. So, Lily was leaning directly over him to pass on her meaningless message about a Prefect meeting. And, in her leaning, she slipped a note discreetly into Sirius's bag, to be found later. 

_Meet me at 7:00, third floor corridor. Don't be late. –L_

Sirius had felt the way his heart had both leapt and sank at the same time when he finished reading her neat script. This woman might very well be the end of him. He couldn't wait to see her again, to hear that musical voice scream out his name.

Yet, he dreaded it. He would have to come up with an excuse, and those were becoming harder and harder to invent. He would have to sneak away, and that was always hard with Wormtail clinging to him more than usual. He would have to let her go back to her life, and he would have to return to his own only moments after the sex had ended. And that would hurt, just like always. And then he would see James, and his heart would ache as the reminder of his betrayal would reemerge.

And yet, Sirius was an addict. He needed Lily more than he needed air. So, he knew, despite the hurt and the guilt and the loathing he would have for himself, he would go to her at 7:00 on the third floor. He knew that he would do exactly as she commanded, as he was her oh-so willing puppet. And he knew, as he had always known, that this was nothing more than sex to her.

And he knew that it was everything more than sex to him.

* * *

"Sirius?" Lily asked, pulling her sweater over her quickly buttoned shirt. She pulled the hair that got caught in the collar out, and tossed it over her shoulder. 

Sirius looked up from buttoning his pants, a confused look upon his face. Lily rarely spoke to him after sex. It was generally quick, and then she would disappear leaving him alone to wallow. Tonight, however, Lily had decided to interrupt the routine he had grown accustomed to. So, clearing his throat, the boy responded, "Yes?"

"Are you ok?" Lily questioned, her voice that of a concerned friend. "You've been looking a little distracted lately. Is everything ok?"

Sirius blinked. Was everything okay? No, not even close. Everything was basically a wreck at the moment. His thought jumped and littered with guilt. His conscience becoming a nagging voice in the back of his mind every moment of every single day. Nothing was okay, not since Lily Evans had waltzed into his life, demanding unattached sex that he could only attempt to give her. But it could never be unattached, because his heart was in it completely. He wanted to make her happy, even if she wanted no part of him as a human being. Just as long as she was happy. "Yeah," He said, not daring enough to use the name that hesitated on the tip of his tongue, the name of the girl he was falling for, the name of the girl who James had "claimed" years and years ago. "Just haven't been sleeping very well." He shrugged, leaving out the minor detail about how this torrid affair was what was preventing his mind from relaxing.

"Oh, alright then," Lily said. She smiled at him, and then left. Left Sirius alone with his thoughts, yet again. Just like always.

* * *

"Wow, Padfoot," Remus said as Sirius stumbled into the Common Room later that night. "Whoever this one is, they are certainly keeping you in a state of constant motion." He shook his head, smiling a little as Sirius sunk into a chair, obviously exhausted. "Why not put in a request for a night off? You look like… well, you are beginning to look like me." 

Sirius attempted to smile. "Moony, has it ever occurred to you that I am actually a rabid fanboy and that my goal in life is to look exactly like you?"

Remus grinned, pretending to give Sirius a very thorough once over. "Well, let's see… you've got the massive dark circles under your eyes… you are approximately the color of Nearly-Headless Nick… you look like you have probably been skipping a few meals daily… hmm, pretty close. But, well, the hair needs work really. I mean, honestly, if you want to look like me you'll have to make to much duller. Try falling asleep in the shower, you tend to forget if you washed it and it gets rid of shine in an instant."

"Thanks Moony," Sirius said, yawning widely, "I'll get right on that."

* * *

"Padfoot?" called a voice somewhere near Sirius's face. "Padfoot, seriously, this isn't funny!" 

"What?" Sirius said, as the face of Peter Pettigrew floated into his line of vision. He gathered his surrounding rather quickly. He was on the floor in the dungeon. Peter hovered above him, as did James and Remus. Still sitting in his chair, Sirius could see Severus Snape, his face twisted in a sneer. A flash of red alerted him of Lily's presence. "What happened?" He asked, his voice coming out muddled and slurring.

"You just keeled over, Pads," James said, his voice sounding rather shaken. "You turned around to start chopping up the Gurdyroot, and then you were on the floor."

Sirius stomach turned when he heard the concern in his best friend's voice. He didn't deserve it. He felt relief as a redness began to creep into the edge of his vision. Sweet relief flooded him as he left consciousness again.

* * *

"Exhaustion," Lily whispered, leaning over Sirius as he lay in a bed in the Hospital Wing. "That's what Pomfrey says caused it." Her voice was concerned, yet disapproving. Her voice was not that of a lover. A friend perhaps, or even a sister or cousin, but not of a lover. Never the voice of a lover. "She said that by the looks of things you haven't slept in almost two weeks." She frowned at him, "What's been keeping you up at night, Sirius?" 

The words flew to Sirius's mouth. _You,_ His mind whispered. _You keep me up. I think about you as I lay awake, waiting for the world to collapse around me. It's you that I think of as James continues on in life, blissfully unaware that the girl he is in love with his sleeping with me. It's you that I see in my mind as I lay in bed. It's you that sneaks into my thoughts of guilt, because it's you that has made me this way. It's you that I think about, you that makes me feel the need to betray my very best friend. It's you. You, and only you. I can't get you out of my head. You're like a drug, an addiction. I can't go a minute without you on my mind. You, and guilt. The guilt that I'm giving myself because of you. That's is what is keeping me up at night._ You're_ what's keeping me awake._

But these words did not leave his lips.

"It's nothing," He said, forcing back the words that threatened to flow freely from his open lips, "Just a little stressed." She left after a moment, leaving Sirius to stare blankly at the ceiling, aware that soon he would be able to return to sleep due to a potion that the nurse had forced into his mouth moments ago.

_"It's nothing,"_ He heard his own voice echo. Nothing. _Nothing. **Nothing**_

That nothing just so happened to be his everything. _My God, _he thought to himself, _I'm nothing anymore._


	2. Paved with Good Intentions

**Here you go. Enjoy it, the angst continues. **

Two weeks had passed in a would-be blissful way. To the ordinary person, these weeks would have seemed totally wonderful. Constant hook-ups, constant lingering glances, constant moments of feeling like love has filled your heart. But Sirius was not an ordinary person, and this was not an ordinary two weeks for him. This was because his secret affair with Lily was no longer a secret.

* * *

Remus's eyes were wide, and he shook his head as if to clear it of the image he saw, like his mind was playing tricks on him. But, the image remained there. After a second, he decided that it must be the truth, despite how bizarre it seemed. 

Sirius and Lily had remained frozen in place for a moment, then Lily had grabbed her things and fled out of the room very quickly. Sirius's eyes met Remus's for a moment. He quickly began to throw clothing upon his body, rather uncomfortable with the idea of receiving a lecture without wearing clothes.

"So," Remus said after a long moment. He pinched the bridge of his nose and quietly remarked, "Well, at least I know what's been keeping you up at night now."

* * *

Sirius did not have a chance to speak to Remus later on that day. He did not see Lily either, and his mind began reeling as he realized that this was probably over. Lily only wanted him if no one knew; Remus had found out. Their whole relationship had been based on a secret that Lily had found to be attractive, not to mention the fringe benefit of the "meaningless" sex that they had each time they saw each other. 

Sirius understood, as much as it hurt him. He saw the allure of a completely secret loveless affair. He knew that it was fun because of the danger that she felt whenever they touched. He knew that she liked the games that she had to play and the lies she had to tell in order to see him. And he knew that this was simply a fun thing for her. A brief fling. And he knew that it was over now. And he knew that it would kill him when he had to actually physically end it.

Then there was the problem that Remus knew. He had the ability to go to James and to tell him of Sirius's betrayal. Remus could really get Sirius into trouble with his friends… more importantly, with his best friend who had taken him in. his best friend who would probably hate him after this. Everyone would see the sickness behind his motives; he knew that Remus probably already saw it. Part of him was in love with Lily that was for sure. Part of him was not.

But his love for her was not the only thing that had kept him interested in their little fling. It was the fact that he, Sirius Black, whom nobody had ever_ really _wanted, could get to the girl that James had always desired. It was sick, but Sirius knew deep down that even when he could not stand to look at himself in the mirror in the morning, he could take pride in the fact that, just for a moment, Lily had wanted _him_. She had wanted Sirius, not James. It was an amazing feeling, and yet, it made Sirius sick to his stomach.

* * *

"Remus?" Sirius said, stepping into the dormitory that night. He took a tentative step inside, and was welcomed with the familiar sight of Remus Lupin lying on his bed reading a large book. The werewolf did not look up from his book at first. After he had apparently finished the page, he dog eared the corner and closed the tome. He pulled himself into a sitting position. 

"Sirius, I think we may need to have a little chat," Remus said pleasantly. His voice was relatively light, and he pulled his legs into a crossed position. He did not seem angry, but that made Sirius worry. Remus rarely betrayed his emotions when it came to anger, not unless the anger had cut him so deep that he screamed.

Sirius took a seat on the end of Remus's bed. "Look," he began, looking ever so much like a wounded puppy. "I know. What I've been doing is wrong. And I know that if Prongs ever finds out, he'll kill me, not that I deserve anything less. But, please, tear me apart gently? Please?"

Remus sighed. "I'm not going to yell at you," he said quietly. "It's pretty obvious that you've been feeling guilty enough as it is. However, I am going to tell you what to do for a bit. And you won't like it, but I think that it just might help you out a little.So, please, hear me out."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow, then said, "Okay? Shoot."

"You need to break up with Lily."

"You know, that's exactly what I knew you'd say," Sirius said, sounding upset. "'Break up with her. You're going to hurt him. He's one of you best friend… Blah, blah, blah.'" He rolled his eyes. "But Lily and I are both legal adults, and I think that I if she's willing, than there isn't really any problem with us being together. I mean, well, obviously there is the problem of Prongs…"

"No, no, Sirius, this has nothing to do with James," Remus said quietly. "I say to end it because I can see that this relationship is literally killing you. Look at yourself. You aren't sleeping, you're barely eating, and you're constantly worrying. Just end it before you get in too deep and you get hurt."

"Moony, that's the thing," Sirius said, "I'm already in too deep not to get hurt."

Remus sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I was afraid you'd say that."


	3. It's Hell on the Engine

**Yep. Still own nothing. **

"You can't keep this up," Remus whispered to Sirius as the dark haired boy yawned in the middle of Transfiguration on a cloudy Monday. Sirius's eyes darted over to James quickly, and once he was satisfied to see that his friend was completely engrossed in his class work for a change, he frowned at Remus.

"I can and I will," Sirius whispered back furiously. The rope he had recently conjured disappeared in a cloud of smoke. "Listen, I think that I made this clear the other night. I'm not going to stop until she decides it's over. She started it; it's only fair that she should end it."

Remus shook his head and said no more.

* * *

Lily stood awkwardly in front of Sirius. His heart was racing, his hands shaking, and he swallowed hard.

They had never been awkward before. It had always been an immediate reaction upon being alone together. Their clothes would be shed and they would attack each other with passion. There was no real time for thinking before hand, and they generally escaped each other right after, to prevent any thinking then. There was never a moment's pause, it was always just immediate.

Now it was awkward. And Lily stood in front of Sirius wearing only her bra, and he wearing only his boxers, and she was biting her lip and he was running his hand through his hair, and it was obvious that he wanted her, and her breathing dictated that she wanted him, but they stood there. Awkwardly.

Finally, Lily's cheeks became enflamed. "Maybe not tonight," She said quietly. Sirius nodded, almost thankful that he wouldn't have to pretend to enjoy it tonight. As much as his primal instincts would revel in the pleasure of her touch, his mind didn't think that it could bare it right now.

They dressed in silence. As she shook out her hair, Lily gave Sirius a curious look. "Yes?" He prompted, fearing what could come out of those perfect ruby lips, but happily anticipating the words anyway.

"Potter asked me out again today," She said after a moment. Her face showed confusion.

"Oh?" Sirius replied dully. "What did you say to him?"

Lily sighed, her teeth pressing down on her lower lip again. "I said that I would think about it…"

Sirius nodded. Lily looked at him for a long moment and then said, "Well, see you around."

"Bye," He said. He frowned once she was gone. It had begun. This was the beginning of the end.

* * *

Sirius found concentrating to be something impossible to do in Potions class on Tuesday. Remus was sending him disapproving looks. James and Peter carried on with life, blissfully unaware of the turmoil inside of Sirius's heart.

And, well, Lily wasn't speaking to him.

It wasn't as if the two of them spoke often during class. Generally an, "Alright, Evans?" in exchange for a "Hello Black," would have sufficed for a day. But today, Sirius's usual morning greeting was met with cold silence and he was forced to turn away under the harsh looks of Lily's friends.

Remus had to rouse Sirius from his musings when the bell rang to release the class. He watched James run after Lily, and Remus and Peter head in the direction of the Great Hall. Sighing, Sirius grabbed his things and began to amble down the hall, not really feeling up to facing the impending social situation that lunch would bring. He didn't want to lie and pretend to be happy around James. He wasn't prepared to have to deal with the guilt trip Moony was giving him.

He didn't want to see Lily.

Alas, his wish for solitude went unheeded. "Sirius?" called a female voice from a few steps behind him in the corridor. It was Lily. His blood ran cold.

"Yes?" He choked out, turning to look at her against his better judgment. She trotted up to him; she was beaming. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled. Sirius's heart ached; he used to make her look that way.

"I think that we need to talk," Lily said carefully, trying to force the smile from her face. Obviously she was not coming to share good news. And Sirius grimaced at her use of the line he had used as a prelude to so many break-ups.

"Okay," He said uncertainly, not meeting Lily's eyes. He could tell what was coming.

"Listen, you're a great guy. You really are," Lily said, looking every bit as ashamed as the vengeful side of Sirius's brain thought she should be. "But, the thing is…" She wrung her hands with nerves, trying to find the easiest way to break the news to him.

And suddenly it was all too clear to Sirius. It was as if a knife had pierced his heart when the realization dawned on him. "James asked you out again," he said quietly, "And you accepted, right?"

Lily nodded, her eyes filling with tears. She was obviously broken up about this for some reason. "It's just… Well, we were never really going out, were we? And James, he's been so mature and nice to me lately… I'm really sorry, Sirius."

"No worries," Sirius choked out, hating the way he could hear his voice cracking. "He's been chasing after you for years; I always knew you'd give in eventually. I'm happy for you… really."

He turned to leave, his insides feeling as if they had disappeared. As if he was hollow.


	4. You are the Dreamer

**Here we go. Another update. I still don't own anything. Feel free to review. **

Remus was starting to worry.

James hadn't really noticed. He had mentioned it in passing, but he was too absorbed in his own happiness to give it too much thought.

Peter didn't have any classes with his friends in the afternoon, so the absence of one was not noticed.

But Remus was starting to worry. He hadn't seen or heard from Sirius since Potions this morning. He was in Defense Against the Dark Arts now, Sirius's favorite class. It was the last class of the school day. And there had been no sign of the dark haired boy since eleven o'clock.

So Remus was worrying. Because Sirius didn't just disappear; he always told someone if it was skiving off.

Remus was worrying because he had seen Lily and James talking to each other civilly in the corridor, and he was worrying because he had seen them kiss. He was worried that Sirius knew, and that he was planning to do something rash.

Or worse, Remus worried, he had already done it.

Remus had considered just skipping out of class to look for his friend. But then he remembered that Sirius had been the last one to take the Map, and he was prone to hiding himself away in a passage that only the Map could reveal.

As soon as the bell rang, Remus launched himself from the room. He had begun to panic toward the end of his class. Sirius was never rational when it came to emotional problems. He shuddered to think what his friend could be considering… or could have done.

The dormitory was empty. The bathrooms as well. The secret passage behind the statue of the witch with a hump was void of life. As was the Prefects' Bathroom. And the Great Hall. And the Astronomy Tower.

So, Remus, still panicking, resolved to let James and Peter in on their friend's disappearance –to an extent anyway. He darted back to their dormitory, dismayed to find it empty. Resigned to having to search for his other friends, Remus noticed the door the bathroom that attached to their dorm. It was closed.

Someone had to be in there.

Remus knocked on the door. There was no response, other than the sudden sound of the shower turning on. "Sirius?"

No reply.

Remus tried the door. It was locked. "Sirius?" He tried again.

No response.

Deciding that it must be his friend, he whispered "Alohamora," Remus was surprised when he heard the lock click as it undid. He slowly turned the knob on the door, and stepped inside the bathroom. No steam filled the air. There were no clothes on the ground. Remus quirked an eyebrow and walked over to the single occupied shower. Biting his lip with indecision, he finally pulled back the curtain.

Behind the opaque plastic sat Sirius. He was soaked through, still fully dressed. His sodden clothing clung to his overly thin frame. His hair flopped over his eyes. His face was unreadable. His eyes were red rimmed, and he was biting down on his lip furiously.

Remus was worried. The sight of his best friend like this scared him. He reached over, and switched off the tap, causing the freezing water cascading down upon his friend to cease. There was silence.

Finally, "What are you doing in here?"

"I should ask you the same," Remus replied quietly, his eyes bearing into the gray ones that belonged to Sirius.

"She said yes to him," Sirius said simply, his voice cracking. He bit back down on his lip again, and Remus watched a lone drop of blood run across his lips and teeth.

"I know," Remus said quietly. "He told me at lunch."

Sirius nodded, and continued to stare blankly at the tiled wall in front of him.

Remus finally knelt down, putting a hand to his friend's shoulder as the showerhead dripped, the sound echoing off of the walls. "Sirius I-"

"Save it. I know. You told me so. You were right. Go have a great laugh about it."

"That's not what I meant-"

Sirius looked up at Remus suddenly. His eyes were filled with a strange mixture of helplessness and fury. The fury melted away, sadness overtaking it. Those gray eyes cloud and Sirius whispered, "She never loved me."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement; the truth. Remus knew that no matter what he said, this would remain etched into his friend's mind. He, however, had no idea what to follow this with it. So, he simply waited for Sirius to continue.

His friend, his lip now bleeding freely having been released form the trap that was his teeth, sighed. "I-I don't think that anybody loves me." Small amounts of blood began to trickle down Sirius's wet chin. "I mean, my mother obviously hates me. My father never had the time for me. My brother has disowned me…. And the one girl I fall for…" He laughed, a hollow frightening laugh, "She's in love with my best friend."

Remus bit down on his lip for a second, then released it. "Sirius, I know that she's hurt you, and that your family has as well. But that doesn't mean that no one loves you."

"Like hell it doesn't," Sirius said, but his voice was thin and weak. "No one loves me, Remus. People like me; I'm considered likable. But love? No. Nobody has ever loved me, and I don't think that anybody ever can."

"I think you're wrong." Remus's voice was stronger than he had expected it to be. "I know that there are people who love you. James loves you. Peter loves you. Hell, Sirius, I love you. You're our best friend, our brother. We love you, whether you believe it or not."

"But why?" Sirius croaked. "Especially you, Remus. After all the nasty things I've done to you? After what happened last year? How in the world could you possibly love me?"

Remus's eyes widened at Sirius's question, and he pondered the answer for a moment, unsure of how to phrase it. "Sirius, you aren't perfect. No one is. You're human, just like everyone else… well, almost everyone else." His cheeks were tinged a light pink for a moment. "But, Sirius, people make mistakes. They screw up. They hurt each others feelings. But, if you truly care about someone, eventually that stops to matter. You admit, yeah, they hurt me. But then you remember how much good that person has done in your life. And you stop caring that they hurt you. Because, love is generally unconditional. It isn't logical by any stretch of the imagination.

"So, that's how I can say that I still love you like the brother to me that you are. Because I care about you despite, no, because of your faults. They are what make you the person you are. The person that I care about," Remus said, shrugging sheepishly at the end.

Sirius looked up, his eyes slightly misty. "I-I… thank you, Remus."

"Don't mention it," Remus said, clearing his throat in the rather awkward silence following his speech. He glanced around, sighed, and pulled out his wand, drying Sirius in an instant. He also healed his bleeding lip, something small enough for him to handle.

After a moment, Remus cocked a half smile. "What were you doing in the shower fully dressed anyway?"

Sirius smiled a small smile in return. "I was hoping that you would assume that I was showering and leave me alone. I guess I forgot that most people shower naked."

**So, this is nearing the end. I'm thinking about tacking on another ship, which might mean certain edits in Remus's little speech. Three guesses which ship I'm considering. **


	5. We are the Dream

**So, here we go. The new chapter, with the recently added twist. I'll warn you, it is the product of a snow/it's freaking cold outside day off. Hope you enjoy!**

Remus could not force himself to sleep that night. One single phrase that Sirius had uttered had sucked him back into the past, and his mind was like an unending silent movie.

_"But why? Especially you, Remus. After all the nasty things I've done to you? After what happened last year? How in the world could you possibly love me?"_

Remus asked himself that very question as he tried to tempt sleep. He knew that he had given Sirius an answer, on that he would like to believe was the truth. But, Remus knew that wasn't the whole of why he could still love Sirius. He also knew that he had been too cowardly to bring it up to his friend, because he knew that the pain would be too much. Not for Sirius, but for himself. He had tried so hard over the past school year to just forget that the last year had even occurred.

But he couldn't.

And he never would be able to.

Because, try as he might it ignore it, Remus Lupin was in love with Sirius Black.

And he was afraid that Sirius would never forgive him for it.

_"But why? Especially you, Remus. After all the nasty things I've done to you? After what happened last year? How in the world could you possibly love me?"_

Remus was in love with Sirius.Sirius was in love with Lily. Lily was in love with James. It was like a damned flow chart or something! And every time that Sirius told him of another "conquest" it just ripped his heart out. He hated that! He hated Lily for stealing him away and using him, and he hated her even more for hurting him.

Remus tried to push these thoughts from his head, the forbidden thoughts that had rarely occurred to him in almost nine months. But, they would not go away. He was in love with Sirius, and these thoughts were pulling him back into last year. Try as he might, he could not avoid this thinking. So, finally, he just gave up.

Remus remembered the first time that he had admitted to himself that he had feelings for Sirius. It had been in middle of a transfiguration class; Sirius had been dating a dark haired girl who Remus never bothered to learn the name of. He had whispered something in her ear, and her face had started blushing immediately.

Remus had been seized with some kind of fury.

He recognized several minutes later, that it was jealousy that had stricken him. He was jealous of this girl that Sirius was only playing with.

Obviously, Remus had decided that it would be best to hide his feelings from his friends. He didn't want to have to hear their comments on what that made him. He tried avoiding situations where he was alone with Sirius, mostly because he was afraid of the words that might leave his mouth.

* * *

Several months later, in Hogsmeade, the Marauders had gotten separated in some kind of a panic. There had been a flash of light followed by screaming. James and Peter had disappeared, and Remus's eyes scoured the crowd for some sign of a familiar face. He didn't want to run; he was afraid if he did he might get lost in all of the sudden confusion.

Several agonizing seconds later, Remus found himself being pulled from the crowd. Unable to see anything but a blur of faces, he closed his eyes and covered his ears, is oversensitive hearing screaming for the noise to cease. He was getting dizzy; he was feeling sick. He remembered passing out.

Remus never did learn what had caused all of the chaos in Hogsmeade; the Ministry insisted that it had simply been the product of a misfired spell and the general paranoia of the public due to the war. Other swore that they had seen Death Eaters crawling all over the town. Remus never did find out for sure. But he did find himself alone with Sirius, and they waited for the riot to end together in the Shrieking Shack.

The roar of the crowd had died down when Sirius suddenly looked at Remus very intently. "What?" The pale boy said, unable to conceal the panic in his voice. He felt as if Sirius knew something, and Remus was terrified to know what it was.

Sirius frowned ever so slightly. "You've been avoiding me."

Remus cast his eyes down, feeling his cheeks flame. This was true.

"What did I do wrong?" Sirius voice was much quieter than usual. He seemed hurt, but refused to let the pain shine through.

"Nothing," Remus had whispered. "It isn't you, really." He remembered that Sirius had suddenly seemed very close.

"Well, then, what the hell is wrong with you?" Sirius had obviously meant it as a joke. But Remus couldn't seem to make his mind work properly, and Sirius seemed to be leaning in towards him. Remus's heart was beating faster than he had ever felt it, and his mind was attempting to put together protests and pleadings and questions as to what the hell was going on by none of them seemed to be able to leave his lips.

This, however, was probably because the lips of Sirius Black were currently preventing Remus Lupin from uttering any noise.

* * *

They kept it a secret. They met up in empty corridors and halls and classrooms. They rarely spoke of it. It was always rushed; quick movements in case anyone decided on intrude on their passionate encounters.

Remus understood, at first, why they kept their relationship a secret. Sirius was still recovering from the shock of having been disowned from his family. His relatives at Hogwarts had made it their mission to insure that whenever Sirius saw them that he was humiliated. He knew that Sirius was afraid of what would happen if his family ever found out that he was involved, in a somewhat romantic sense, with another boy. His family would have crucified him, either literally or metaphorically. So, Remus kept his mouth shut. Besides, he reasoned, who needed to know?

Remus knew, at first, that Sirius was only using him, experimenting with same sex, well, sex. He also initially knew that it wouldn't last. Eventually Sirius would call for it to end, and they would go back, or at least try to go back, to only being friends.

But Remus reveled in the attention that Sirius gave to him. Sirius met what Remus thought was his every need. He was so very happy, something that was mostly lost on him. He found himself in love with Sirius. Head over heels, the whole entire romantic movie cliché, if only romantic movies were soon to start showing two boys falling in love.

It was almost like a game that they played, trying to outwit everyone. They had to hide from James, who while distracted with Quidditch and his never ending pursuit of Lily Evans, was easy to avoid. It was harder hiding it from Peter. If they went off together, he wanted to come along. They had to quickly formulate something to actually be doing, since obviously they did not want Peter present if they were going to have a quick fuck in the corridor.

Remus thought he was fine with that. He knew that Sirius didn't love him, not more than you could love a friend. He thought that he loved Sirius enough for the both of them. He thought that eventually Sirius would just look at him, and he would realize that he was in love with Remus, and that all would be right with the world. He thought that in time things would work out.

They didn't.

Remus tried to ignore them. The signs that something wasn't working. Granted, he probably should have known all along. If Sirius really wanted him, why couldn't he be honest and allow people to know about it? The thing with his family would blow over, right? Why was it_ still_ a secret?

* * *

Lily had run up to the pair of them, sobbing on and on about something Snape had said to her. Both had exchanged a look, as if they were trying to decipher why he had upset her, the unshakable Lily Evans. Sirius comforted Lily. Remus found himself feeling strange with her around. It was probably the first warning sign that Sirius had feelings for Lily

Remus supposed that was probably where Lily and Sirius's relationship technically began. As soon as Lily calmed down and returned to her dormitory, Sirius had muttered something about having to leave for a moment, something that made very little sense to Remus. He had promised to return in time to visit Remus later, and let the boy standing alone in a hallway, his mind swirling with confusion.

That night was the full moon.

Remus discovered, the next morning, that Sirius had told Snape how to get passed the Whomping Willow, and that James had saved Snape from being killed by the werewolf at the end of the passage. Snape had seen Remus. Remus had, likewise, seen Snape and his intense bloodlust had driven him to severely injure himself during the night.

Snape had seen Remus and now he knew.

And Sirius had let it happen.

That had ended Remus's relationship with Sirius. Remus didn't speak to him for months, and when he did, he specifically requested that he and Sirius remained nothing but friends. Sirius had agreed.

And now, lying on his bed, willing his exhaustion to take over, Remus regretted ever telling Sirius he only wanted to be friends. He wanted so much more than that.

But Sirius loved Lily. And Lily loved James. And Remus was just so damned sick of this love chain he had become tangled up in.

And, he supposed, that is what brought him to the open window in the Astronomy Tower, just looking out.

* * *

Sirius could not sleep. The events of the day were still stewing around in his brain, a jumble of ingredients that were simmering at such a high temperature that he could not bear to think them.

His thoughts turned to James, his best friend, who was sleeping blissfully for the first time in a while. James had had a rough year; his father, who had been ill for a long time, had passed away around Christmas. James hadn't taken the news well…

Sirius shook his head, determined not to think of _that_ either.

Anyway, skipping over the messy details, Sirius thought back to all of James's attempts to win Lily over this year. He had really been trying so hard to impress her.

And he had impressed her. Months ago.

But Lily had been rather preoccupied by the fact that Sirius couldn't seem to think straight long enough to dismount. And, if Sirius did say so himself, he was a pretty amazing lover. The power of amazing sex can oftentimes distract people from the people that they actually love –Sirius assumed that might be why people cheat with the same person for so long.

Sirius sighed, his heart giving an uneasy twinge as he recalled his encounters with Lily Evans. He had always thought that she was beautiful and perfect. Her hair was just the right length –it was long enough to play with, but short enough so that it rarely caught on anything. Her eyes were this amazing green. Her lips were the exact color of the reddest rose, constantly puckered in a beautiful pout. Her body?

Sirius decided that these thoughts were too dangerous to be thinking right now. He was afraid that he might do something crazy.

_Creak._

Sirius jumped. After listening for a moment, he reasoned that someone had left the dormitory. He sighed. _Remus…

* * *

_

It was windy up in the Astronomy Tower. Remus suddenly wished that he had worn a thicker sweater, or thought to bring a blanket along. He sighed, shivering but never thinking about leaving, and swung his legs over the ledge of the open window. He peered down, contemplating the height of the tower. At least one hundred feet, he reasoned.

It was very peaceful out there. Remus liked to go there if he couldn't sleep, just to think.

"What are you doing up here?" said a voice from behind Remus. Had the werewolf not heard the footsteps approaching, he might have started and fallen to his death. But he had heard Sirius coming, and despite his confusion at the appearance of the boy, was not surprised.

"I should ask you the same thing." Remus's voice was even, not emotion being betrayed. Simply blank. He disgusted himself when he acted like this, but he wasn't sure, after all of his thinking tonight, that he could handle facing Sirius without the emotionless façade to protect his heart.

"Rem," Sirius started.

Remus flinched; nobody had called him that in months. After last year, even without knowing about his relationship with Sirius, they had all been so careful around him. Like he was breakable. As if he would shatter if they dared to shorted his name.

Sirius didn't really know what to say. He had followed Remus there, afraid for a moment that his friend might have been considering jumping. "Rem. Remus. Look at me."

Slowly, Remus turned himself around so that he was facing Sirius. Outlined in the pale moonlight, Remus looked spectral. His skin was so white that it seemed transparent. His light hair floated about him in the cool night air. Sirius thought he looked a little like a ghost.

"What?" Remus asked with a guarded tone. He stared a Sirius, aware that his eyes probably came across as angry and upset. To an extent, he reasoned, he had every right to be so. But Sirius wouldn't understand; it was nine months too late for that.

Sirius studied Remus for a moment. He blinked. Who was this person in front of him? It certainly wasn't the Remus he remembered. This man, this boy, looked scared and angry. He looked hungry, like a person who was starving for affection.

"You never used to look like this," Sirius said quietly. Then, mostly to himself, "You were always smiling. Always full of life, happy in a strange way, a greatful way. Now, I don't know what you are. You aren't my Remus. I can't really remember your last real smile. How could have missed it? Am I that self centered? When did this happen?"

Remus's lips curved into a sickening smile, one full of hurt and irony. "Take a wild guess."

Sirius blinked.

He knew it.

He had done this to Remus.

His friend, the ever happy Remus.

Sirius had turned him into the shell of what he once was, and it had taken nine months for him to even notice.

"Me?" But it wasn't a question.

"You're damn right it was you." Remus stood up then, agony traced in his features. "I-I-" He couldn't get the words out, but he figured that Sirius would understand. "After everything...last year, and you let Snape find out… then you go ahead and fall in love with… with Lily…" He trailed off, just staring at Sirius with sad eyes. He couldn't seem to draw breath, his chest hurt.

"I know."


	6. Better than You Ever Felt It

**Yeah, so, that last chapter? Sorry, it was quite the angst fest. Oh well. Here's another one for you. And now, a little poem by Emily Dickinson, because I found it in choir the other day (we're singing a song with its text) and I though that it fit. **

_Heart, we will forget him,  
You and I, tonight!  
You must forget the warmth he gave,  
I will forget the light._

_When you have done pray tell me,  
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.  
Haste! 'lest while you're lagging  
I may remember him!

* * *

_

Remus did not remember crossing the floor between them. He did not remember hitting Sirius. He did not remember any tears being shed. He didn't remember very much at all.

But, somehow, it had all happened. Standing in his night clothes, the cool April wind blowing his hair, Remus Lupin found himself standing over Sirius, his hand still raised, his whole body shaking.

He had never actually hit anyone in his life.

He felt sick, and in his mind he began spurt apologies rapidly.

But, he didn't. He just stared at Sirius.

Sirius forced himself to stand, looking at Remus in bewilderment. Blinking, he shifted his jaw. The pale boy in front of him lowered his fist.

Sirius stared at him for a minute, as if considering something. Then, as if he had made a decision, Sirius raised his own fist and punched Remus.

Remus staggered, but did not fall as Sirius had. He acted as if he had expected it, embraced it really. The two of them simply looked at each other, twin bruises forming on their cheeks.

Finally, "What the hell was that for?"

And Remus sighed, because he honestly didn't know. He just felt like it was something he had been meaning to do for a while. But, rather than saying anything, he just turned to go. He didn't feel much like talking.

Sirius just let him walk away.

* * *

Remus had decided that the best way to deal with Sirius right now was not to deal with him at all. He avoided him at all costs. Remus spent so much time hiding out in the library that James began to joke that he would become a book.

In the library on Friday afternoon, James came to interrupt Remus's time alone to simply think about not thinking about Sirius. "Hey Moony," said the dark haired boy, taking a seat beside his friend. "I wanted to talk to you about Sunday night."

This took Remus by surprise. His friends had been slightly less regular in their full moon visits this year. He had been under the impression that they would probably want to skip this one, since there was a Quidditch match on Saturday to recover from. "Oh," he said, putting his book down. "What about it?"

"Well, you've seemed a little bummed out recently," James explained, his eyes betraying no extra knowledge on the subject. "So, I wanted to know if you'd like some company this time around."

Remus considered it. If he had company, he would probably be less destructive, and his recovery would go faster. But, if he gave James the okay, Sirius would have to be invited and Remus didn't want to have his emotions deciding that Sunday would be a good night to have the werewolf attack Sirius.

"Uh, thanks James," Remus said, sounding slightly apologetic, "But you'll be worn out from Saturday, anyway. I don't want to bother you. I'll be fine. Really." With that, a jittery and annoyed Remus scurried out of the library, hoping that he could avoid James for the better part of the next two days as well. He didn't want to hear the questions.

* * *

Remus did not know exactly what prompted him to bring the thing along. It was a stupid picture of Remus and Sirius that James had snapped during some photography phase he had gone through last year. It was a terrible picture of them. They had been sleeping together at the time, so they postures were exaggeratedly stiff, holding themselves a careful distance apart. Neither of them was really smiling, and the little photograph-Remus kept putting his hands over his eyes, as if he did not want to see what was happening around him. James had given it to Sirius, who had in turn, given it to Remus as a secret gift for Christmas last year. It was in a plain silver frame. In miniscule writing at the bottom of the frame, barely even noticeable, was an inscription. It too was plain: it simply said _Remus and Sirius_.

Remus could not bear to look at it anymore. It said too much, yet nothing at all at the same time. It was as if tiny shards of glass pierced his heart every time he looked at it.

He was going to be alone in the Shrieking Shack tonight.

He brought the picture, as well as the frame with it because he wanted to destroy it. He knew in his human state that he would never harm the thing, because the ache in his heart kept him from even moving sometimes –he could never get rid of the picture that way. So, he brought it with, to a place where it was sure to be smashed, and then forgotten.

Oh, what Remus would give to forget.

* * *

At about three o'clock Monday morning, Sirius jolted awake. A howl had pierced the night. It just about ripped his heart out to hear that. The sound of Remus alone on the full moon, attacking himself to keep from hurting anyone else made his heart hurt.

He had been asked by Remus months ago to stay away on the full moon.

He missed the late night roaming of the school. He missed being Padfoot, rather than Sirius Black. Padfoot was so much easier to be. Less complicated emotions. Fewer worries. Life was good.

Maybe he would just spend his life as a dog. Dogs were at least lovable. Sirius liked that idea, for a second. People could love a dog; they could love Padfoot. Nobody could love Sirius.

_That's not true, _Said the evil vindictive voice in the back of Sirius's mind who was never content to let him wallow in peace. It always had to make some form of a logical point, which only resulted in Sirius getting further upset. _Remus loves you. Or, well, he did before you went and screwed everything up. He probably still loves you. But you can't accept that, can you? You probably don't even really want to be loved, that's why you screw up all of your relationships…You aren't unloved; you're unloving. You only want attention; you can't be bothered to give some in return. You re just so self centered…_

"Shut up!" Sirius shouted, tossing a pillow at the window in frustration.

Wormtail turned over in is sleep, and mumbled something about being nice to poor Moony. Sirius sighed, and left the dorm. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep tonight.

* * *

Remus awoke in pain. He resolved not to move, as he always did. His body was without clothing; he had lost so many set of robes over the years that he had taken to undressing before moonrise in an attempt to save the clothing. The floor was cold. The sunlight that flooded the Shack caused the picture behind his eyelids to be tinged with orange. After a few minutes he dared on open his eyes a tiny bit.

There was a glint off in the corner of the room. Remus's eyes widened.

The picture frame was still in tact. Even though the bed was in pieces and the door was nearly knocked off its hinges, despite the fact that he had probably dislocated his shoulder and would be covered in brand new scars, the damned picture frame with the stupid picture of him and Sirius had survived.

Rage rippled through Remus's body, the remnants of the wolf's influence still present in his emotions. Forcing his stiff body from the ground, Remus crossed the room in two steps and picked up the frame.

He smashed it. Glass shards scattered all around the room, some of them bouncing off the ground and hitting him, slicing his naked skin.

And that was how Sirius found him. Bleeding, naked, and visibly upset.

Sirius looked from his friend, to the remains of the picture frame, and back again. His mouth hung open for a minute, as if the sight before him was a mirage. "Rem?" he said tentatively.

Remus's breathing was sporadic; his hands were balled into fists. Sirius could only see his back; he had no will to see the type of face the boy was making. He bet that it was ugly and contorted with complete and utter loathing and hurt. He couldn't bear to see that. Finally, after a long pause, a terrifyingly angry voice responded, "Don't call me that."

"Okay, then, Remus," Sirius said quietly, though he was sure his friend had heard, "Are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm just peachy," Came the sardonic response in that strange angry and cold voice, "It isn't as if all of the bones in my body have just shifted back to a normal arrangement after I spent the night biting myself or anything."

Click. Just like that, as if a switch had been flipped in Remus's head, he was quiet again. He shoulders, which had been held up in a proud manner, slumped. Sirius saw him shiver. He blinked, and then felt his cheeks flood with color. Remus was not wearing anything. Obviously, he was freezing; it was only April, it was only just after dawn.

"Here," Sirius said, pulling off his robes, leaving him to stand in only a thin T-shirt and pants. "You're obviously freezing."

"Thank you," Remus whispered his voice hoarse. He slipped the garment around his thin and bleeding frame without another word.

Sirius sighed. Remus obviously wasn't in the mood to talk. He sighed again, and crossed the room. Bending down, he rescued the picture of himself and Remus from the broken and glass and silver.

He walked out.

Sirius thought he might have physically felt his heart break as he looked at the picture.

* * *

The day was fast approaching. A day that he hadn't been too fond of during his life time, due to the familial neglect of it since he turned twelve was only one day away.

Sirius hated his birthday.

He hated how everyone randomly paid more attention to him. He hated getting presents from his friends, several of whom could not afford to pay for them. He hated the eyes on him at all times when he was given something remotely special, how his heart would sputter with a mixture of grief that he had never received a gift like this before and happiness because somebody finally cared enough to give it to him.

Sirius hated his birthdays. They always made him depressed. This year more than ever.

* * *

The day was fast approaching. A day that Remus hadn't been fond of since _he _had turned twelve. Sirius birthday was tomorrow.

He hadn't gotten him anything.

Not that he had forgotten the date or anything. No, he knew. Sirius birthday was the twenty-fifth of April. This year it happened to be on a Tuesday. Remus had a calendar, hidden somewhere in his trunk, that had the date circled in thick red ink several times. The day never left his mind, it always lingered in the back, waiting to strike him with a sense of complete guilt.

Remus had not gotten Sirius anything.

Nor had he ever been planning to get him anything.

He just didn't have the money. His mother was supporting herself as well as Remus on a low paying job at the Ministry. She could hardly afford to lend him money to be buying gifts. Hell, she could hardly afford to give him money to buy food sometimes.

And asking his father was simply out of the question. The man hadn't wanted anything to do with him since he was bitten anyway. He had walked out. For some reason, around Remus's eleventh birthday he had contacted him saying that he was "always there to help." Well, Remus wasn't quite _that_ desperate. Granted, Remus figured the only time he would ever be that desperate is if were living in a cardboard box in some alley in London and he hadn't eaten in over a week.

But, then again, he'd rather just starve.

He had been planning to just give Sirius something of his own. Figured that it would see more personal that way. Unfortunately, the thing he had originally planned to give Sirius was laying in pieces in the Shrieking Shack… and Sirius had the picture now anyways.

So, this year Remus had nothing to give Sirius for his birthday.

He sighed, wondering if he could just disappear and come back on Wednesday, when this whole birthday business was over. He couldn't just not give Sirius a gift on his birthday, even if things were ridiculously strange between them right now.

Finally, an idea came to him.

He rushed off to find the nearest fireplace; he had to make a trip back home.

* * *

Lily was miserable. Every time she saw Sirius, her heart ached just a little. He was obviously miserable. And she knew that she was the reason why he was upset.

She was in the Common Room, resting her head on James's lap as he worked and talked with his friends. She tried to be happy. She tried to join in on the light conversation. But, she couldn't. Not with the way that Sirius looked.

She felt like a fraud.

So, when James headed off to bed, and peter followed, Lily sat up, awkwardly, as Sirius remained staring at the fire.

"Sirius?" she said quietly, looking at him, a real sadness on her face.

"Yeah?" He responded, looking at her in the most wounded fashion she had ever seen.

"I'm sorry," She said, staring down at her feet. "I never should have used you like I did. I shouldn't have said yes to James so quickly. I never meant to hurt you, Sirius. I am so very sorry."

Sirius blinked. Several times. "I'm sorry too," He said quietly. "I was blind for not seeing how much you and James got along now. It only makes sense that you would go for him." He smiled weakly, but his voice was sincere. "He really loves you, you know? He told me the other night."

Lily's face turned pink in delight. "Really?"

Sirius nodded.

Lily smiled at him, and crossed the room to sit beside Sirius on the other couch. "You really are an amazing guy, Sirius. You'll make some lucky girl very happy some day."

Sirius blanched at that. Lily raised an eyebrow, and Sirius cleared his throat. "Lily, I don't think I'll be making anyone happy."

"Nonsense," Lily said, looking prepared to trot out a list of Sirius's good qualities.

Sirius sighed. "Lils, there is something you should know. It has a lot to do with why I've been so, erm, moody lately. Obviously part of it was you, but there is something else. But before I say anything can you promise not to mention this to James?"

"Sirius, I don't know if I can do that…"

"Please, Lily, it isn't as if I am about to confess a murder. It's just that, I think that I should probably be the one to tell him about this. Okay?"

Lily nodded. "Okay, Sirius. Spill. What's been bugging you?"

Sirius sighed then began by saying, "You saw that Remus wasn't here tonight, right?" She nodded. "Well, I think that is my fault. Remus and I… well, we had a thing last year."

"A thing?" Lily responded, a look of confusion taking over her face.

"A thing. I wouldn't exactly call it a relationship, but it was relatively close to one. It was mostly just sex. But for conversational purposes I'll call it a relationship." Sirius paused, gauging Lily's reaction. She didn't look entirely shocked, but that wasn't to say that she looked pleased by the information. "Anyway, I really screwed it up."

"Oh?" Lily said, as if she was urging Sirius to go on.

"Yeah. You might not remember this, but Remus was really upset with me at the beginning of this year. He wouldn't speak to me."

Lily held up a hand, "Wait, I thought he was upset about the whole scenario with the Whomping Willow and Sev- I mean, and Snape." Lily had suspected Remus's condition since her days when she was friends with Snape, but her suspicions had been confirmed by Remus himself several days after James had asked her out. He had said that she had every right to know, since she would probably be hanging around them a lot now.

"Well, that was only part of it." Sirius sighed. "When I told Snape about the passage, he saw Remus. He found out that Remus is a werewolf because of me. We had still been seeing each other at the time. It sort of ruins a relationship when one person basically betrays the other."

Lily sighed, rubbing her temples. "But, he forgave you."

"He said it was only so keep the two of us from ripping apart the Marauders. Eventually he started speaking to me again… but, after the whole episode with you… well… he hasn't been the same since we, erm, ended things. I told him that I had real feelings for you, and I think it just brought up the whole thing again in his mind."

Lily nodded; she had a feeling that she understood in some way.

"I'm afraid that I broke his heart," Sirius said quietly, "and I'm afraid that if he ever decides to speak to me, I might do it again."


	7. Hum Hallelujah

**Hmm… this chapter has been giving me trouble. I hope you enjoy it anyways. By the way, I named Remus's mother. That's all. I still own nothing. **

Selene Lupin had nearly had a heart attack. This was, of course, due to the fact that someone had stumbled out of her fireplace at 7:30 at night, and because she did not usually get visitors. With her wand held in her shaking hand, her trembling voice demanded to know the identity of the traveler.

"Mum, it's just me," Remus said, brushing ashes from his cloak.

"Remus," She said, smiling and crossing the room to hug her son. "What are you doing here?" Her tone became serious. "Did something happen last night? Are you in trouble?"

Remus shook his head, "No, Mum, really, I'm fine." He smiled. "Honestly, you worry too much about me. I've lived almost half of my life as a werewolf; the whole transformation thing is pretty routine by now."

She smiled a little at his joke. "Well, then, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

Remus's smile faded slightly. "I need a gift for Sirius's birthday…"

Selene's eyes widened, "Remus, dear, you know we haven't got the money…"

"Oh, I know," He said, throwing his cloak over an unused armchair and heading for the stairs. "I'm going to give him something of mine. Is that alright?"

Selene sighed, "I suppose." She followed her son up the stairs, filled with questions. "When did you start speaking to Sirius again?"

Remus could sense the disapproval in her voice. Sighing, he turned to face her. "Mum, I told you, he apologized." He entered his bedroom, making a beeline for his desk in the corner and searching through the drawers.

"Remus, I just don't want to see you hurt again," Selene said, folding her arms and taking a seat on his bed. The boy continued rummaging through his possessions for the one object he was looking for, pointedly ignoring his mother.

Selene had stood up and began to gaze out the window. "Remus," She said, "You know what they say about his family."

"Yes, Mum, I am well aware," Remus said quietly, wishing his mother would just drop the subject.

"Well, the Blacks aren't very open minded dear."

Remus froze.

"They would never accept a werewolf as a friend of their son's," She continued.

Remus let out a long breath. "Well, it doesn't matter much what they think of me. Sirius ran away from home, remember? He lives with the Potters now. He's been disowned."

Selene frowned. "Well, if he was disowned he can't exactly be guiltless in the matter. He was probably an awful child, what with all of those pranks he's pulled at school. No respect for his parents either, I assume?"

"Mother!" Remus said finally, standing up. "His parents are Orion and Walburga Black. I don't expect that you have much respect for them, so why on earth would you expect Sirius to?" He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Listen, Mum," he said more gently, "I know that you are only trying to protect me. But, regardless of his faults, he is my friend. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from verbally bashing him whenever I am in your presence."

Selene sighed, resigned. "I'll be downstairs if you need me." She patted Remus's cheek and left the room.

Alone to complete his searching, Remus moved on to his chest of drawers. Opening the top drawer, Remus pushed aside some old sweaters and finally found what he was looking for.

It was a pen knife. Sharp, had never been used. It's handle was still black and sleek. Remus's father had left it in his desk a few years ago when he was packing his things.

It was the only thing he had left.

Remus had always admired the knife; his father had told him that it was bewitched to open almost any lock. But, Remus had never been able to look at the thing until now. And, being that it had the potential of being so useful, he figured it was time to put it into better hands.

Remus picked up the knife. Pulling out his wand, he conjured a box small enough to fit it inside and then placed it on top of the tissue paper. He put the top on the box, and quickly wrapped it in plain brown paper.

He retuned to the ground floor and spent the next few hours catching up with his mother who, Remus found, was much more agreeable if Sirius's name was not mentioned. At 11:45 Remus parted with the woman and returned to Hogwarts.

* * *

Sirius was staring at his watch, the little hands glowing in the darkness. 

It was 11:59. One minute until his birthday.

He sighed, turning on his side. This was useless, waiting up for it to be midnight. There was not one awake to share that moment with anyway. James had crashed long ago, as did Peter. Lily was in the girls' dormitories, so he couldn't even carry on with his complaining about how he was the worst person ever to her.

His watch beeped quietly.

12:00.

Midnight.

He was eighteen.

He sighed again, punching his pillow and staring hard at the hangings around his bed. As if he expected them to consol him, convince him that everything would work out in some way, shape, or form.

They weren't. They were only curtains, of course. They were incapable of saying kind things to him. Incapable of holding him, telling him that his screw up wouldn't mean the end of things. The only thing those curtains were capable of was shielding Sirius from the world through a thin layer of fabric.

The door creaked open.

Sirius sat up quickly, throwing back the curtains that could not consol him, and snatching his wand from the bedside table. He pointed the thin piece of wood straight at the heart of the intruder. "Who's there?" he shouted.

Remus froze, his hand over his chest, panting. There was a small package laying on the ground a few feet away, having been tossed in the air by Remus in shock.

Sirius immediately lowered his wand, aware that he had probably scared the boy half to death. "Oh, Rem," He said quietly, close to laughing, "I'm sorry, I didn't think it was you."

Remus nodded, bending down to pick up the package he had dropped. He straightened up, walked over to Sirius's bed, and then checked his watch. "Well," he said, smiling a little, "I suppose you can just have this now." He held the small wrapped gift out to the other boy.

Sirius blinked. "Oh," he said quietly. Taking the package from Remus, he seated himself on the side of his bed. Remus seated himself next to him, keeping a careful inch or two between them.

"You can open it, you know," Remus prompted.

Sirius smiled, the tore off the thin paper. He lifted the lid from the box, and stared for a second at what lay inside. It was a simple pen knife.

Remus cleared his throat, taking it as time to explain the gift. "It's charmed to unlock things. It's pretty powerful; it can break through locking charms that Alohamora can't even break. It can be really useful."

Sirius nodded. He raised an eyebrow, smiling widely. "Cool. Thanks." He shook his head. "Where did you find something like this, anyway?"

"One of my drawers, actually," Remus told Sirius. The dark hair boy gave him a look of confusion. "I didn't really have the money to buy you anything. The knife used to be my dad's, but since I wasn't using it, I figured you'd like to have it."

Sirius nodded, and then said, "Thanks." They were quiet for a while. "So," Sirius said, desperate to fill the silence that had befallen them.

"So," Remus returned. His face was not lit with the smile that had graced it only a moment ago.

"What's the matter, Rem?" Sirius asked, concerned by the frown. "You were smiling a minute ago. What happened?"

"I just don't like thinking about my dad," Remus answered quietly.

Sirius nodded. "When did it happen?"

"When did what happen?" Remus responded, confused.

"When did your dad, erm, pass away?"

Remus sighed. "He, uh, he didn't." He shook his head, a feeling of guilt spreading in his stomach. "Back in first year, I lied about my dad being dead. He didn't die. He left. When I was eight. I haven't seen him since."

Sirius nodded. "I'm sorry."

Remus shrugged. "Nothing you could have done. He and my mum got married young, right out of Hogwarts. Their marriage was never built to last; they used to fight constantly. Then, I got bitten. He just couldn't handle it, having a werewolf for a son. So, he hightailed it out of there after two years. He's got a new family now. Free of vicious monsters. Must be nice." A look of hopeless gloom had descended over the pale boy's features. He looked lonely, almost, even though he was in the middle of a room full of people.

Sirius didn't know why he did it. All he knew is that Remus looked so sad, and all he wanted to do was make him feel better.

So, he kissed him. Nothing long. Just a quick kiss. A simple pressing of Sirius's lips Remus's. After he pulled away Remus stared at him. And the boy smiled, ever so slightly. "Happy Birthday, Sirius." Then, he got up and grabbed his things, walked the two steps to his own bed, pulled the hangings around himself, and left Sirius alone to his thoughts. And, maybe it was just because it was his birthday, or because it was midnight and his mind wasn't functioning properly, but Sirius had a feeling that things were looking up.

* * *

Sirius smiled as he walked into Charms. So far, the day had been unusually pleasant. He had been woken up by a chorus of house elves singing "Happy Birthday" to him, which Sirius believed was James's doing. He had received mountains of presents and Remus was speaking to him. 

Oh, yes, things were going well today.

Sirius took the seat beside Peter. James and Remus sat next to each other, and Lily sat two seats behind them with her friend Mary. The hour passed rather slowly, but Sirius occupied himself by sending sly glances Remus's way every few minutes. Remus of course, smiled and shook his head about them, returning a few when he thought no one else was looking.

He was wrong. Both James and Lily had seen the exchange.

Lily understood.

James jumped to conclusions. He automatically assumed that there was some prank in the works. He whispered to Remus, demanding to be included. When Remus replied smoothly that there was no prank, James assumed that they were planning it on him. "You can't do that," He whispered to them. "Lily will think that it backfired on me and she'll get upset with me and…"

"James," Remus cut across him, "We aren't planning to prank you."

"Snape, then?"

Remus was unresponsive, facing the front of the class and diligently taking notes. James was quiet again, until Sirius shot another look in Remus's direction. "It's Snape," James decided out loud. "I can't really let you guys do this. I mean, I'm the Head Boy, and Lily hates it when we prank him, and Remus come on, you're a Prefect…" He carried on, flipping and flopping on the issue, wanting to join in but also wanting to tell them to knock it off. "But, you could at least tell me what you're planning. I could help, maybe…?"

"James, honestly, we aren't planning anything. I swear." Remus turned to face the front, obviously closing the issue.

* * *

James had been raised to trust those close to him, but to always be suspicious if something seemed fishy. Well, something certainly seemed fishy to him. 

Honestly, though, it wasn't as if it had never happened before. Remus and Sirius had done this last year. They had been suddenly secretive about things, as if they were the only two people ever around. They had begun to speak to each other in low voices and would often share knowing glances at each other.

It had driven James almost insane last year. Especially when the two friends had gone from being almost too close to nearly hating each other for the entire summer and first half of September.

And now, it looked as if James was in for a repeat performance. He honestly had no problem with two of his best friends being close, but, it was only fair to at least include James and Peter from time to time. So, once Transfiguration was over, James decided to ask Lily's opinion on the issue.

"Hey Lil," He said, kissing her cheek and beginning the trek down the corridor.

"Hey James," She responded, and putting her arm around his waist. "How are you?"

James sighed, "Annoyed actually."

"What about?" Lily asked, rummaging through her bag in search of a quill.

"Remus and Sirius are acting funny again," He said.

Lily froze. "Oh?" She said, trying to act nonchalant about the whole possible situation at hand. "What makes you say that?"

James sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. "I dunno. I just, well, I saw them looking at each other secretively in Transfiguration. It really wouldn't bug me all that much, but after what happened at the end of last year…? I'm not exactly in the mood to have to pick up the pieces of both of them again."

Lily smiled slightly; by the sounds of things James already knew what had gone on between his friends last year. "Yeah," she said. "But, well, maybe they can make it work this time. After all, if you love someone, the past will stop mattering so much. I mean look at -"

"Wait, what?" James interrupted. "What are you talking about?"

"-us," Lily finished in a small voice. Realization dawned on her face as she caught on that James had honestly had no idea that Remus and Sirius had been together. She had just opened a massive can of worms. "Oops," she murmured.

"Oops?" James said, raising an eyebrow. "What do you mean '_if you love someone' _? What the hell does that have to do with Remus and Sirius?"

"Uh… umm…" Lily sputtered, feeling trapped.

"Lily, what did you mean?"

"I- I..."

"Lils," James was pleading now, sounding hurt and confused.

"Sirius made me promise not to tell you. I'm sorry, but he wanted to tell you himself." Lily said that all in one breath, praying that James wouldn't be upset with her.

"Tell me what, exactly?"

"I can't say. I'm sorry, James." She kissed his check quickly and ran off, hoping to find Sirius before James did.


	8. Just Off the Key of Reason

**Hey there. Here's more drama.**

Lily had never thought it would be so hard to find Sirius. She checked the Common Room, that passageway by the Room of Requirement, and even some bathrooms._ Where did I forget to check?_ Lily thought desperately. She was beginning to panic, and she knew it. But, who could blame her? She had just managed to reveal to James that his best friend had at one point been involved with his other best friend. She knew he was shocked, and from her experience, shocking James Potter had never been a good plan.

He always got upset when he was surprised. Something about always being prepared that had been pounded into his head since he was a child had never really allowed him to enjoy surprises of any kind. Lily figured that it probably made him feel like a failure if he couldn't anticipate what would happen next. Lily also figured that that was probably why James was such a terribly loser, especially when it came to chess.

Lily wondered if that might have been why his father's death had been so hard on him. He had anticipated, yes, but he had been completely powerless to stop it. However, despite the impending wrath of a very surprised and most likely pissed off James, Lily needed to get her mind off of him and find Sirius before he did. She decided that maybe finding Remus would be a better idea and headed straight for the library.

No luck.

_Damn it.

* * *

_

Sirius was sitting. In the bedroom, on his bed, not really doing anything other than sitting. Sitting and staring absently out the window. He was honestly just thinking, reliving certain bits of the day. Nothing, so far had been all that stressful. Nothing had made him feel guilty, nothing had made his insides squirm due to uncomfortable thoughts.

This was his best birthday to date.

And, unfortunately, that was when James burst in.

James looked annoyed, honestly. He walked straight over to Sirius, blocking his view of the window and shutting off his thinking. "So, I hear that you can Remus have a thing."

"What?" Sirius said, honestly taken aback. The comment still had processed by the time James spoke again.

"I heard that you and Remus are in love or something."

"Uh… where did you hear that?" Sirius said, not really knowing what else to say. Honestly, the idea of James suddenly knowing had never occurred to him. He had no plan of what to say to the kid.

"It doesn't matter," James said, "Do you have a thing or not?"

"No," Sirius said. "Who told you?"

"You don't have a thing?" James said, as if the words had been said in a foreign language.

"No. We don't. We did," Sirius was distracted. Who could have told James? "Who told you?"

"Why does it matter?" James said, sounding angry. "Since when do you have a thing?"

"We don't have a thing anymore!" Sirius shouted at James, losing his temper. "Who told you?"

"Who cares?" James retorted angrily, "Why the hell couldn't you bother to tell me that you and Remus had a thing? I thought that I was your friend, Sirius. I mean after all that I've done for you-"

"Oh come on!" Sirius shouted. "Throwing that back in my face! I don't tell you one thing and suddenly I'm some scumbag who used you-"

"This was more than just one thing, Sirius!" James yelled, grabbing hold of Sirius's collar. "When did this go on? When did it end? Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell you because I knew that you'd freak out. Glad to see I was right." Sirius pushed James off and stormed out, leaving James to stand in the middle of the dormitory alone and confused.

* * *

Sirius physically bumped into somebody in his state of blind rage as he walked down the hall. He must have knocked them over because the voice that he heard a second later came from very close to the ground. "What the hell Sirius? No apology?" Sirius looked down to see Remus pushing himself back into a standing position. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, waiting for Sirius's response. "Well?"

And suddenly it all seemed so clear to Sirius. "You!" He said, pointing to Remus. "What the fuck, Remus? Why the hell did you go off and tell James?"

"Tell James?" Remus repeated, confused. "Tell James what? I haven't talked to him since Transfiguration-"

"You told him about_ us!_" Sirius said fiercely, yet quietly.

"No, I didn't," Remus said, getting defensive. "I've never said a word to anyone about it!" He looked outraged that Sirius would even suggest it. Then, suddenly, "Wait! James knows?" His voice was panicked. "How does James know?"

"You told him!" Sirius shouted, throwing his arms up.

"No. I never said a thing to James," Remus said, his voice low and angry. "I haven't said anything about it to anyone." He rolled his eyes.

"Well, you must of, because I haven't said anything to anyone either!" Sirius shouted.

Remus scoffed. "Maybe you screamed it out in the middle of sex with Lily or something, but I never said a thing-"

"Wait," Sirius said, hitting himself in the head. "Lily! It had to be her; she's the only person I've told…"

"You told_ Lily_?" Remus shouted, obviously hurt by this. "Lovely, that's real nice Sirius. Tell the girl you were screwing that you used to screw me. Great manners. Tell me, Sirius, did you get her to almost kill Snape too? Is that really why she broke it off..?"

Sirius shook his head, "I'm sorry, Rem. I have to go." He ran off.

Remus, currently seething from the exchange, glanced around and then whipped his bag at the nearest suit of armor, glad to hear the satisfying clang. "What the fuck?" He asked the silent air around him.

* * *

"Sirius!" Lily shouted when she saw him. Running over to him she frantically said, "I've been looking everywhere for you! I was talking to James, and he sounded like he knew, so I started talking about you and Remus and now he _knows! _I am so sorry, Sirius!" She tried to catch her breath, but it only caused her to start sobbing. "I am so sorry! I didn't mean to tell him. I thought he knew! Now he's all upset he's looking for you and I am so, so very sorry Sirius!"

"He already found me. We had a nice row," Sirius said, his hands balled into fists. "And now Remus is pissed that I told you and everything is a complete mess and, _what the fuck,_ Lil? I thought I could trust you!"

Lily sniffed audibly and sputtered, "I-I tho-thought he already knew! H-he was t-talking like he already knew! I am s-so sorry!"

Sirius shook his head. "Lily, I asked you to keep it to yourself. How hard is that to do?" He ran a hand through his hair angrily. "What else have you told him?" He froze. "Oh, God, Lily, please tell me that you never told James that we were together."

"No," Lily said in a quiet and shaky voice. "I never said anything about that. We both know that he would just lose it if he knew."

"If I knew what?" James said, appearing as if from out of thin air behind Lily.

Lily and Sirius froze completely, afraid to move or speak.

* * *

The last thing Sirius remembered was hearing Remus shout, "What the hell is going on?" Everything after that was a complete blur. He remembered a struggle of some sort, a sharp pain in the back of his head, and then it all went dark.

When he opened his eyes again, he was in the Hospital Wing. Lily was standing at the foot of his bed. "What happened?" he asked his voice hoarse.

"James knocked you out and you hit your head pretty hard against the wall," She said. "Pomfrey said you probably had a bad concussion."

"What about James and Remus?"

"Remus is fine. He went after James once he saw you go down. Didn't even bother to pull out his wand, he just punched him. Broke James's jaw and glasses and blackened his eye," Lily said her voice quivery. "James got out of here an hour ago; Pomfrey mended his jaw right away. You all have to serve a month's detention; that's where James and Remus are right now." Sirius nodded. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the dull ache in the back of his head. "I am really sorry about all of this, Sirius. Really, I am. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I know."

* * *

Remus watched James cautiously. He didn't want to make any sudden movements, loud noises, or anything that could be considered threatening. James was refusing to look at him.

It had been twenty minutes into their detention before Filch had taken his leave, mumbling about checking up on them whenever they weren't expecting it.

Remus sighed, and got right to back work at shining the trophies in front of him. James did the same, still remaining uncharacteristically silent. They worked quietly for a while before James threw his rag down and said, "What the_ hell_?"

Remus stared at him.

"Where do we live? A freaking Muggle_ soup-opera_ or whatever the damn thing is called?" He laughed bitterly. "You love Sirius, Sirius was sleeping with Lily, Lily seems to like me, and I'm in freaking love with her." He made a noise of disgust. "I mean, what the _hell_?"

Remus went to open his mouth, but James cut across him before he could continue. "And you knew," James said, his voice heavy with hurt, "You knew about everything and you never told me."

"I couldn't."

"Like hell you couldn't, Remus," James said quietly. "You _couldn't_ have mentioned that you spent half of last year boffing Sirius? You _couldn't_ have told me that was why you were basically _catatonic_ after the whole Snape fiasco? You couldn't have-?"

"James, stop it," Remus said quietly. "Maybe, thinking back on it, I could have told you everything. But hindsight is 20/20. When you're living in the moment nothing seems to obvious and clear." He sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I should have told you. But, well, Sirius had asked me not to tell anyone…"

"Oh, that's lovely," James retorted. "That's a real healthy relationship, Rem. Just let him walk all over you because you _think_ he might love you someday." He was obviously disgusted and angry. "Didn't that sound any alarm bells in your head Remus?"

"Stop it-"

"Didn't it hurt when he asked you not to say anything-?"

"James, knock it off-"

"It did," James said, just trying to provoke Remus. "It must have hurt like hell."

"You don't know what you're talking about-"

"But what's worse, in my opinion, is how you put up with him telling you about him and Lily," James basically spat. "Must have ripped your heart out, hearing him carry on and on about her."

"James, please," Remus begged.

"I'll bet he even said he loved her…"

"James, please, just stop it-"

"Sounded familiar, didn't it?" James said, venom lacing his words, "He said the exact same thing to you when you wanted to call it off, didn't he? He said he loved you, didn't he Remus? Must have killed. The one thing you'd been waiting for him to say, and he tells you as soon as he could escape." James was seething. "I know Sirius. He's done exactly that to every girl he's ever been with. I assume that you would be no different."

"Fuck you."

Remus stared down at his hands, his eyes burning with angry tears. He wanted to hit James again, to hear the satisfying crunch of his glasses under his own fist. He wanted to hear the boy's terrified yelp, feel his useless struggles. An animal instinct was begging Remus to just turn on James Potter and rip out his throat. Instead, he sat there, staring pathetically down at his hands, clenching his jaw and trying to remain silent as the tears leaked out of his eyes. As he felt each of James's comments stab a hole into his already battered and broken heart.

Remus was quiet for a while. He and James went back to silently scrubbing the trophies again, until something like a light bulb went off in Remus's head. Was he really just going to take that crap from James, who honestly wasn't much better in terms of romance? Something inside of him snapped. He looked straight at James and said, "You are pathetic."

"What?"

"You're pathetic." Remus said, the feeling of the insult leaving his mouth was foreign but it felt freeing. "What are you planning to do once we get out of here?"

"I was going to go and see Lily-"

"My point exactly," Remus said, feeling satisfied. "You are going to see the girl who you just found out was sleeping with your best friend until the _very day_ that you finally got her to agree to go out with you."

"But-"

"No buts. She probably only wants you for sex. She never agreed to go out with you before because she was getting it elsewhere. But, like always, Lily got bored with her new plaything and decided to update the make and model. So, she picked you."

"Seriously, Remus, shut up-"

"She's always been like that, really. Never lasted with a guy for longer than two months. And there's always been you, following her around like a pathetic love sick puppy begging her to give you a tiny piece of attention," Remus said, the feeling of release taking him over. "And you'll go back to her, no matter how badly she's screwed with you, no matter how badly she's fucked you over."

"Damn it, Remus, shut the fuck up!"

"Your girlfriend's a whore, James," Remus said quietly, enjoying the feeling of sick power that these words gave him, "She's always used people for sex and you know it. Yet, you still love her in some sick way, still have some picture of the imaginary, perfect, _virginal_ Lily Evans. So don't you_ ever_ talk to me about how I behaved with Sirius. Because you are just as bad, if not worse."

Remus stood up, just as Filch returned to check on them. He grumbled about them talking and moved Remus into a different room, leaving James to seeth at his own reflection in a shield.


	9. I Thought I Loved You

**Hello. I just got done with an amazing weekend. In case you are wondering, I am taking two out of four Solo and Ensemble pieces to state, and I went to see RENT. So, now that I am in a great mood, I'm going to continue to mess with everybody else's lives. Enjoy.

* * *

**

_"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."  
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

* * *

_

Sirius felt slightly dizzy as he entered his dorm that night. He was greeted with the scent of silver polish and the sound of silence. He peered at the beds. Peter was gone, where he was Sirius did not know but he didn't feel that Peter's whereabouts were all that important at the moment. James was missing, no doubt off to talk with Lily and confirm the fact that Sirius had betrayed him.

Remus, however, was lying on his bed. He was awake, Sirius noted by looking at the whites of his eyes, and he was staring at the canopy of the four-poster bed. Sirius walked cautiously to Remus's bed and took a seat. "Rem?"

Remus didn't move.

"Rem?" Sirius prompted again. "You ok?"

Remus still did not look at him. However, he quietly said, "I hit James."

"I know," Sirius replied, confused by the boy's words.

"I hit James, and then I insulted him."

"Ok," Sirius said, his tone measured.

"He probably hates me."

Sirius blinked in shock. "Why would James hate you? Because, what, you hit him and probably called him a stupid berk? He doesn't hate you, Rem."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because, it's James. He's acting stupid, but eventually he'll get over it and forgive you. I mean, it was only a punch and a few nasty words, right? It isn't as if you… you…"

"Did his girlfriend?" Remus offered, a hint of pain in his words.

"Yeah," Sirius replied glumly.

"He'll get over it," Remus said quietly. "You know he will. He's upset, yeah, but he and Lily weren't dating, and yeah, you knew that he liked her, but she wasn't expressing any interest, so technically what you did isn't all that wrong. He'll get over it. Just give him some time."

"You are a smart one, Rem," Sirius said, nearly smiling. "I only hope that James will see things your way."

"Why do you keep calling me that?" Remus asked, finally sitting up to look at Sirius. From the state of his no longer shadowed face, Sirius could see tear tracks outlined his pale cheeks.

"What? 'Rem?'" Sirius swallowed. "I've always called you that. We all used to. I dunno why everybody else stopped." He paused, and then said, "I dunno why I call you that. Does it bother you?"

Remus shrugged, "No, not really."

The two of them stared at each other for a long moment. The absurdity of the entire situation struck Sirius. His whole life was just strange. This whole thing, this massive entanglement of emotion, was all so odd. All of their lives had been influenced by stupid mistakes on all of their parts, yet somehow, Sirius couldn't force himself to see the end of all the madness. So, he figured, it would probably never end. Things would never really be okay again.

Remus was still looking at Sirius intently. His sad eyes were tearing Sirius apart, examining his soul. Sirius let him, let down his guard. Let him look at the soul, so filled with regret and remorse. This was all so messed up.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, breaking the stillness in the room.

"What for?"

"For everything. Yelling at you today, for how I've treated you last year, for breaking your heart," Sirius sighed, feeling much better suddenly. "I'm sorry for everything."

Remus only looked at him. He said nothing, just looked at Sirius with those big amber eyes. He seemed to be halted on the verge of speech, unable to say anything.

"Forgive me?" Sirius pleaded, his voice an uncharacteristic quiet with a hint of timidity. "Please?"

Remus blinked, then nodded. Silent, always quiet now. Then, he tilted his head just the slightest fraction, and leaned closer to Sirius face. Sirius could feel Remus's cool breath on his face. His face was only inches away from Sirius when he whispered, "Happy Birthday."

He sat back straight again. Sirius blinked, feeling slightly frustrated, as if he had expected something else to occur. "Thank you."

The two then called it a night, and turned in.

* * *

April soon slipped away, and May dawned. Sirius soon realized that in little more than a month's time he and his friends would be trust headlong into the unforgiving and war torn adult world.It was something that he was not looking forward to at all. Not with all of his friendships in shambles.James also spent his days in a state of misery, but his was shrouded in anger and frustration. He was refusing to speak to Sirius, and his words to Remus were few and far between. He was antagonistic, and the nightly detentions he had to serve with Sirius and Remus were usually unpleasant.

Remus was just quiet. Word had gotten out that he had done so much damage with James using only his fists. He was now feared by younger students, and considered something of a freak by the older ones. Why would the quiet, shy, Gryffindor Prefect suddenly decide to turn on one of his best friends?

* * *

Lily was sitting alone in the library, nowhere near her usual haunt, but closer to the one she had shared with Severus Snape two years previous. She was trying to hide from James, to avoid the scathing looks he shot at her whenever she dared to try and smile his way. It was all so frustrating. It was obvious that they still had feelings for each other, and yet this whole stupid thing with Sirius had been thrust into the light and now everything was so messed up. Beyond messed up. This whole scenario was slowly inching toward becoming a melodrama. Lily kept waiting for somebody to in a top hat and tails come along and tie her to the railroad tracks.

It happened that at the precise moment that that thought crossed Lily's mind, a dark hair figured passed into her peripheral vision. Glancing over the top of her book, Lily watched as Snape pulled out a copy of Advance Potion Making and began to scribble furiously in it. She sighed, then returned to her own studies.

Unfortunately, Snape heard her sigh. He looked straight at Lily; his facial expression reflected his disgust at the sight of her. It was true that the two of them had not spoken to each other in nearly a year, but Snape's general demeanor had become especially horrid once he found out that Lily and James were dating. It was obvious that he thought her to be less than the scum of the earth now.

As if he didn't already.

Lily felt like opening her mouth and just screaming at him. He was just looking at her, making her feel worse than she already did, and it was pissing her off. But, she decided that doing such a thing unprovoked would make her look and feel terribly. _Honestly, _She thought, _it would make me James up until a few months ago. _Granted, Lily suddenly felt a little bit more understanding about how Severus's mere presence could annoy someone.

Severus then did something unexpected. He stood up, grabbed his things, and moved himself over to the table where Lily sat. She eyed him suspiciously, prepared to tell him off at a moment's notice. He took a seat when Lily didn't protest, and whispered after a moment, "I'm sorry."

Lily raised an eyebrow. The words rang a bell, and she found herself whispering back, "I'm not interested." She had been aiming to hurt, to sting, to make him either make his point or walk away.

"I'm sorry!"

"Save you breath."

Severus held still for a moment, then continued on with whatever he had been planning to say. "I am sorry to hear that your relationship with Potter has gone sour."

"Right and I am the Queen," Lily muttered, rolling her eyes. "Listen, you need to leave me alone, okay? You got what you wanted, you were right. He's made a fool of me. Now shove off and go have a good laugh about it."

"Lily," The boy started, but he was quickly silenced with a wave of Lily's wand.

"I do not want to hear it," She said quietly. "I don't want to hear you carry on about how sorry for me you are. I don't know what on earth your motives are, Severus Snape, but if you were under the impression that I was miraculously going to forgive you, you thought wrong." She waved her wand again and said, "Now get out."

Snape didn't budge. "Taking a leaf out of Potter's book, I see. Attacking people for making a perfectly innocent remark." He shook his head, a gleam of what appeared to be hatred in his eyes. "I suppose that I should expect this from someone like you."

"What? A Mudblood?"

"No," Severus said quietly, "A slut."

Lily's jaw dropped. She saw red, nothing but red. She had no honest memory of what spells came out of her mouth, but by the time Madame Pince had found her, Snape was hanging upside down, bleeding in several places, covered in blisters and boils, and he was screaming in pain. And that was how Lily Evans found herself in detention with James, Remus, and Sirius that night.

* * *

There was tension in the air. Nobody spoke.

It was obvious that Sirius and Remus had come to some sort of an agreement, since they no long appeared even close to angry with each other.

James was still distancing himself from all of them.

Lily had never felt so lonely. Not when she was surrounded by the people she loved. Filch decided to split the group up. James with Sirius, as it was now common knowledge that the two of them were not speaking. Remus was left with Lily. She went straight to work on the task that had been set for them today –filing school disciplinary records. It was boring and slow work, sorting them by "crime" and then alphabetizing them.

She had never had a detention before.

She had always been so well behaved; the opposite of James Potter.

She had been a model student.

She had been a model daughter.

She had been perfect in the eyes of the adults around her.

Perfect to her teachers.

To her parents.

Lily supposed that why when boys had started suggesting sex, it just seemed natural to agree to it. To let lose, and do something completely out of character.

She had lost her virginity at age fifteen, midway through her fourth year at Hogwarts. It had been on a whim. She had barely known the guy, but she just wanted to do… something. To break the "good girl" mold that she had fallen into. So, she had decided to just do it. Like all of the "bad girls" did in her mind. So, she slept with some nameless, faceless, guy.

Nobody knew, of course.

There were others that followed.

Several others.

The quiet, unknown boys of Hogwarts, lining up to be deflowered by Lily Evans.

It wasn't until a few months ago that the idea of Sirius had occurred to her.

Sirius. He was known for having torrid affairs with no emotion and tons of sex.

She had approached him, and after a little persuasion in the form of blow job, he had agreed that it would be a great idea to start fooling around.

And then sleeping together.

The idea that Sirius would ever confuse sex with feelings for her had never occurred to Lily. She was totally unaware as Sirius spent nearly two months struggling to live with himself. Lily had never felt as guilty as she had that day, the day after she ended things with Sirius. His face had been the color of a ghost and he looked tired. Lily, however, hadn't foreseen Remus's involvement in the scenario.

Remus Lupin, the quiet boy who had rarely said more than two words to her when they spoke before this year, had ended up in some twisted love triangle involving the two biggest sluts at Hogwarts.

Lily looked up from her filing. Remus was still working, not looking at her.

He was in love with Sirius. Lily couldn't believe it. Sirius had always been a playboy, always been the opposite of slight, pale, Remus Lupin who appeared to everyone to actually follow the rules and behave normally.

Remus was in love with Sirius.

And Sirius had gone to Remus about his problems with Lily.

Lily sighed. Remus had never deserved to be involved in this. He had already been hurt by Sirius last year. But now, adding herself into the mix? Lily felt sick about it. She wanted to make things right between herself and the werewolf who's heart had been pulverized at the hands of her former lover.

"Remus?"

He looked up, utterly shocked that Lily was speaking to him. Over the years, outside of Prefect meetings, the two of them had rarely spoken. Remus had, in the past few weeks, trusted Lily with the knowledge of his lycanthropy, but she suspected he had only done it for James's sake.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry," Lily said. Remus looked confused, but Lily plowed on. "You got caught up in all of this, and I caused it. I'm sorry."

Remus shook his head. "It would have happened eventually. Even if you hadn't been… been with Sirius, the fact is that Sirius and I never told James about us, so he still would have gotten mad… you were just the icing on James's crappy day… cake… I'm useless at making comparisons, sorry."

Lily smiled slightly. "I'm still really sorry. If I knew it would have caused all of these problems, I never would have-"

"You never would have realized that you love James," Remus finished for her. "You would have carried on, convinced that it was just a crush." He sighed. "I suppose, though, there were probably other ways to have figured that out. It wasn't really a necessity to sleep with Sirius. But, oh well, if that's how you figure things out Lily, I'm not going to judge it. We all have our methods, though most people generally keep their clothes on while making decisions." The ghost of a smile appeared on his face. He had forgiven her. He cleared his throat, "So, you hexed Snape then?"

Lily smiled, "You are an amazing person, Remus."

He mumbled a "thank you" as his blood crept up his neck and onto his cheeks.

* * *

Sirius had never felt such as sense of dread before in his life. This beat out the letter he had addressed to his parents telling them that he had been sorted into Gryffindor. It beat out the seconds before he had opened the letter his mother had sent back to him. This beat out the time he had arrived on the Potters' front step, his belongings in hand, poised to knock and ask if he could live there. It even beat out all of the dread he's felt when he was worried about James discovering his relationship with Lily.

Because he knew now.

And they were trapped in detention together.

Filch had given them the task of getting rid of a boggart in the staff room. He had had an evil glint in his eyes when he had given them the task, which they two of them generally accepted as meaning he had not been given permission to administer the punishment.

James and Sirius were still not speaking to each other. They were just standing there, alone in the staff room, staring at the wardrobe, as if they expected the boggart to just pop out on them.

"Well then," Sirius said, rolling up his sleeves and drawing his wand. "We might as well get this over with." He wasn't all that worried. While boggarts were creepy because they could take the shape of a person's greatest fear, Sirius had faced Boggarts several times in his life. He already knew exactly what his greatest fear was, and how to make it funny. Personally, the idea of his mother in Muggle clothing was probably one of the more clever things his mind had come up with over the years.

James, however, looked a little pale. Dealing with boggarts had never been something he had been especially good at. His friends understood; for the past four years, James's boggart had been the image of his dying father. Sirius absentmindedly wondered if a person's boggart could change, as Mr. Potter had died months ago, but he didn't give it too much thought.

"Okay, you ready?" Sirius asked James. He got no response, and shrugging, he pointed his wand at the wardrobe. Out of came a sight that Sirius was not expecting. It was Remus, who fell to the floor quickly. He was pale, paler than Sirius had ever seen him, and there was blood trickling down his face. His eyes were wide, unseeing: he was dead. _Remus…no, no, no…not Remus… he can't be dead… it's just a boggart…_ "Riddikulus!" Sirius said, his voice wavering on the delivery of the spell.

James stepped forward then, and the boggart immediately took the familiar form of James's father. But, Sirius noticed for the first time, that the boggart was not dressed in a manner that Mr. Potter had ever done in life. He was in torn, tattered robes. His hair was unkempt, his glasses cracked.

_Wait, glasses? _Sirius thought, _Mr. Potter never wore glasses. James got his eyesight from his mother. _Before he could ponder this fact any further, James had murmured the spell and it was Sirius's turn again.

He walked forward again, trying desperately to think of something that he could do to make a dead Remus funny. Nothing was coming to him. The boggart turned, and with a crack, took the form of a dead Peter. Again, he was shocked. It felt as if he had just plunged into cold water. _Not Peter too! _"R-riddikulus!" With a crack, suddenly the thing turned into a dead James. Then a dead Lily, followed again by a dead Remus. After each change, Sirius attempted to make these cadavers funny, but noting worked. A feeling of dread was building inside of him. His mother seemed to be only an old worry compared to the sight of his dead friends.

Dead James, glasses broken, limp on the floor.

Dead Peter, a chubby hand extended Sirius's way, pleading for help.

Sirius couldn't do it. They just couldn't be funny. "James!" He cried, without thinking much. He needed to escape the horrible sight in front of him.

James stepped up, and the boggart turned into Mr. Potter wearing glasses again. Sirius froze, watching James. The boggart took a few steps toward them, and it did something Sirius had never seen a boggart do before. It spoke.

"Look at me," It said; it's voice reedy with age. "Look at yourself, James. Look at what you've become."

"No-" Said James, his face immensely white.

"Look at what you've done to us," Said the thing, "We're alone now. All alone."

"James!" Sirius shouted to his friend who was standing there, completely transfixed in horror. Whatever this thing was suppose to be, it was getting to James and it was not helping them to get rid of it. "James, don't listen to it!"

"Nobody cares for us anymore, James."

"Shut up," The real James whispered, visible trembling.

"No friends, no family."

"James, just say the spell!" Sirius shouted, looking frantically from his friend to the elderly doppelganger. "Don't listen to it!"

"No Lily," The thing went on. James looked faint as his boggart, "We're alone James. Alone, and friendless, and we're about at the end of our days. Our lonely, empty, days."

James whimpered as the thing moved closer. "Nobody has ever really wanted us," It said, quietly. "Hasn't that been obvious? Our parents might have showered us with gifts and attention… but only when they could be bothered to see their only son."

Sirius watched the thing, terrified of what it was doing to James. "Stop listening to it!" He said. He wanted to step forward, but he couldn't muster up the courage to see those he loved lying cold… dead…

"Our parents were so glad when Sirius showed up," It continued. "Happy, at last, to have a charismatic and charming son… not some trouble making attention seeker." He paused, taking several steps toward the petrified James. "And even Lily, the girl of our dreams, prefers him."

"No," James said meekly. "She said-"

"She lied!" Cried the doppelganger, "Isn't it obvious?" He sighed, sadly, "All of the popularity in the world couldn't make her love us. None of our usual tricks. And then, finally, we had her… and the bomb drops, and she was with your best friend…"

"Shut up!" James shouted suddenly, and raising his wand, screamed, "RIDDIKULUS!"

With a crack it turned on Sirius, appearing as a dead Lily. Biting his lip, he shouted the spell and Lily's figure suddenly started to do a very complicated jig. Sirius laughed. It wasn't all that funny, but he felts a sudden determination to defeat the stupid thing.

James stepped in front of Sirius, and his elderly self started in on his "old and alone" rant, but James shouted riddikulus and suddenly there was duct tape covering the old man's body, mouth included. James laughed feebly.

Crack. Back to dead Remus, blood streaming from many wounds. Sirius swallowed. He couldn't make a dead Remus funny. All of the others, it was possible. Bit Remus… poor Remus… he hadn't deserved to die… he had had such a crap life, he had deserved to be able to change it… make it better…

James stepped up a moment later, when Sirius didn't seem to be able to handle a dead Remus. After a go with the boggart, Sirius stumbled forward, and made the dead James in front of him perform an outlandish impression of a bird.

They looked at each other, James and Sirius, and laughed at the ridiculous boggart. And then, they laughed. Roared with laughter. And the thing vanished, leaving nothing behind but a puff of smoke.

The two of them just looked at each other for a moment, not saying anything, just breathing heavily. The laughter had died, almost instantly, as soon as the sight was gone.

"James," Sirius breathed after a moment. "Mate, I had no idea." But he stopped, because James had taken a seat and was staring, unseeing, at the opposite wall.

Sirius sat down next to him, not knowing what he should say. James was still shaking, and when he was convinced that Sirius wasn't looking at him too closely, he turned his face and wiped under his glasses, where a mixture of sweat and tears had begun to linger.

"James," Sirius said, sighing. This felt like the proper time to properly apologize. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I should have told you everything. I never should have… well, gone after Lily… I'm sorry. I really am…"

James nodded, still saying nothing.

"Was that –the boggart –was that you?" Sirius managed to ask.

James sighed, then said, "Yeah. It was."

"You're afraid that you're not loved?" Sirius asked, his voice layered with disbelief. It had never occurred to him that James, popular, well liked, Head Boy; James would ever be afraid of winding up alone and unloved. Yet, for some reason, it seemed to make perfect sense.

"Yeah, go head, rub it in," James said quietly. "Pathetic, right?" he smiled ever so slightly, "Me, alone?" He paused, measuring his next statement, then said, "With all of my adoring fans?"

"Ah, there he is," Sirius said with a smile, "I was wondering where you were hiding Big Head James. Good to see he isn't dead."

James laughed too. And suddenly, everything seemed okay again.


	10. It Was Just How You Looked in the Light

**Here we go, my dear readers. The final chapter. Enjoy. **

Sirius and James parted ways after their detention. Sirius went off toward the dormitory; James off to the Prefects bathroom. Things between them were slightly cautious, but otherwise pleasant as usual.

Sirius found Remus fast asleep in the Common Room when he returned, a book open in his lap. Watching the tired boy in front of him for a moment, Sirius smiled. Remus looked child like in sleep. Innocent.

Sirius had never seen him that way in the time that they had known each other. Remus had always been a little bit wiser, older seemingly. Sirius had always chalked that up to his lycanthropy. But, after Remus's confession about growing up without a father seemed to further explain why Remus had shown up at Hogwarts, and only managed to become a child after a few months in the presence of his friends.

Sighing, Sirius knew that he needed to wake his friend. He reached out and gently shook Remus's shoulder. "Rem," He said quietly, "You have to wake up."

Remus opened his eyes slowly, and after blinking a few times in the sudden light, Sirius watched the weariness return in the boy's eyes. "Oh!" He said, sitting up quickly and snatching up his things, "Must have dozed off… stupid Potions…" He stood and headed for the stairs, up to the boys' dorms.

And Sirius smiled after him.

* * *

May was slipping by quickly. With it's ending looming Remus was forced to come to an unwanted realization. Soon, he and his friends would graduate and be thrown out into the real world.

The real, cruel, intolerant, war-torn world.

Remus had to admit to himself that graduation signified the beginning of the end for him. He and his friends would separate forever. Things would never be the same. Everyone would get jobs, and get married, and start families.

Well, everyone except Remus. As a werewolf it would be some sort of a miracle if he ever found steady work. And the bad reputation that werewolves were getting because of Voldemort would certainly not help matters any for him.

Lily sat in a corner of the Common Room. Open in her lap was a large book on Ancient Runes, which she appeared to be studying diligently. However, to one with a watchful eye like James, it was obvious that she was watching him out of the corner of her eye.

James had every intention of getting up and talking to her. Yet, he was quite gifted in the art of putting his foot in his mouth, so he was sitting there desperately trying to come up with something to say to Lily.

Nothing was coming to him.

Finally, gritting his teeth, he stood and crossed the room. He took a seat in the chair across from Lily. "Hey," He said quietly. She didn't lash out and maim him, which he took as a good sign. "Lily… I need to talk to you."

Lily looked up from her book, and met James's eyes. Her own green ones were glassy. "What about? I think you made yourself clear the other night." She was referring, of course, to the night of James's detention with Remus. Following the aforementioned detention, James had gone off to find Lily, his thoughts clouded by what Remus had said to him. He had become aggravated and ended the meeting by calling off his relationship with Lily. She hadn't spoken to him since.

"Lily," James said quietly, "I was upset. I never should have said those things. I am so very sorry."

Lily looked at him for a moment, as if she was considering something. Then, she simply nodded.

"Lily," James said, biting his lip after a moment, "This might seem completely out of place and ridiculous and too fast to say but… Lily, I think that I love you." He stared down at his feet suddenly. "And, regardless of what happened, the past is the past… and I don't want to lose you over something so meaningless…" He sighed and held her hands in his lap. "Do you think that you could forgive me… and take me back? Please?"

Lily, two tears escaping her emerald eyes, only nodded.

* * *

"Well," Peter said to a completely silent table at breakfast the next morning, "I think it is safe to say that I must have missed something." Peter had gone home for a few days to witness the birth of his new niece. In the time that he was absent from Hogwarts, all of his friends had fought, gotten detention, and made up. So, when he reentered the world of Hogwarts he was more than a little confused. Lily and James were completely inseparable, and Lily had teared up for no apparent reason twice since breakfast had started. Sirius kept glancing over at Remus, who was unusually talkative and joyous at breakfast.

At Wormtail's statement, every eye turned on him, yet nobody said anything. Remus finally broke the silence by saying, "Oh, nothing out of the ordinary. Except, well, all of us have detention for the rest of the year."

"Ah."

And nothing else was said to Peter.

* * *

The rest of the year continued to slip by. The end of May came with very little warning, and soon enough, the dreaded N.E.W.T. tests were upon them. And, as quickly as they came, the tests ended, leaving little more than two weeks until Graduation.

Graduation meant many things to many people.

To James it meant an opportunity to prove himself to the world, rather than let everyone think of him as a spoiled rich kid who lived off of his parents.

To Lily, it meant to possibility to do good in the world by becoming a Healer.

To Sirius it meant finally being able to join the fight against Voldemort that he had been itching to join since the day he turned seventeen.

To Peter, it meant the possibility of being useful… to two sides of the war.

And to Remus, Graduation meant that his childhood was over… and that he would soon enter a world that would never accept him, never appreciate him, never employ him…

* * *

Sirius and Remus were sitting alone in the dormitory.

It was nine o'clock at night.

Remus was reading a book.

Sirius was staring at Remus. And thinking. He was thinking about how their relationship had changed. He thought of Remus as something more than a friend, much more than a friend. He knew, by now, that he had feelings for Remus. He thought that maybe he might actually love Remus. No, that wasn't true. He didn't think it. He felt ti. He knew it. He loved him. And, despite the fact that he knew that he might hurt him again, Sirius wanted to be with Remus more than anything.

Remus happened to peer over the book's edge, and he caught Sirius's eye. "Yes?"

Sirius swallowed, and after a moment of indecision, he stood up. He crossed the space between his bed and Remus's, and he sat at the end of Remus's. "Rem," He started, his eyes focused solely on the bedspread, "Rem… I-I have something I need to say."

"Okay," Remus said, setting his book down.

Sirius swallowed. "Rem," He sighed, "Wow, this is more difficult than I thought it would be. Okay. Remus, I love you."

Sirius looked up to see Remus's reaction. However, he didn't see much, because less than a second later his eyes were forced closed by the impact of Remus's kiss. "Wow," Sirius breathed once they broke apart.

"I love you too," Remus said quietly. He stared down at his hands, placed neatly in his lap.

It was awkward, so very awkward. But Sirius lapped it up. When they had been together before, everything had been so fluid, meaningless, and it had ended so badly. This, he decided, beat out every fluid moment he had ever had with Remus. He beamed. And kissed Remus again. And again. And again.

And James had opened the door just in time to overhear the entire scene. He smiled to himself when he heard it, closed the door quietly, and returned to the Common Room to tell Lily of the news.

* * *

Sirius was the first one of the Marauders' group to be called up. He fidgeted the whole way up, and when he reached the stage, it didn't matter to him that his parents weren't there to watch their son graduate. Because, Sirius caught Remus's eye, and as he took his diploma and shook Dumbledore's hand, he knew that he was loved.

Lily followed soon after, smiling nervously to herself and playing with the new piece of jewelry that she wore around her neck; a locket from James. She smiled broadly after shaking Dumbledore's hand, and returned to sit with her friends.

Remus followed Lily, and was beaming as he walked the stage. He was graduating from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and while this thought saddened him greatly, he was proud of himself for graduating from a school that he almost never got to attend.

Peter crossed the stage, the whole way his eyes darting between his Gryffindor friends and his Slytherin comrades.

James was the last of the group to receive his diploma. He smiled gently at his mother as he passed her, shook hands with the headmaster, and returned to his seat. And when she told him how proud his father would have been, he simply said, "I know."

The Hogwarts Express pulled out of the train station on June 30th, 1978, taking with it years of memories, dreams, loves and losses. And those who entered as mere children were pleased to be leaving a young men and women, prepared to be entering the world of adults.

Unfortunately, in times of war, not many of these young people would have the opportunity to remain in the world for very long.

**The End**

**That's all for this one, folks. Stay tuned, though, as a sequel will probably be up within the week. **


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